I (h)ate everything, a novel by me.
So if you were wondering how we occupy our free time when we’re not hunting Top (and if you don’t care we’re telling you anyway because that’s YG company policy), here’s our latest creation. There may have been some beer involved.
On the left, it can be observed an ancient XV century painting attributed to One of a (kind)Admin, also known as Maravaggio for being born and having spent most of her life in a little, humble city named Boffalora.
It is assumed that the original painting was meant to portray five famous minstrels of the time, but somehow changes have been made at a later time; eminent scholars claim that the artist may have been positively influenced by the reading of the ancient poem which can be viewed on the right.
Said scriptures are written in a dead language so far unknown, but after a comparative study between the ancient forms of Yenisei-Ostyak, Tungan and Njerep, distinguished linguists managed to translate it as it follows:
“Once upon a time there was Top on the Himalaya. He had a beautiful sweater with ducks icecream cones donuts coffee cups icecream cups. He also had a llama named Catramarcibaldugo; it was a beautiful llama.
One day he met a fairy named Jiyong, who had long orange hair and skinny trousers made of leather. She was a beautiful fairy, almost more than the llama. Top wanted to marry her, but then a gay cowboy named Gino John aka Seungri appeared, and in short he didn’t have his shirt on.
They watched the sun set on the mountains, but then an afroamerican named Taeyang appeared. Swag. And they decided to start a band named Wearebackstreet Boys. But something was missing.
Then a bomb exploded and they all died. An angel named Daesung came for them. Then they went to paradise and God Sajangnim said: “I want to make you into idols!” and they said “Ok”.
Reputable scientists don’t know what to think of this.
So this is what we do in our free time. Yes, we know. Swag.
*subtle hints of self hatred in everything i say*
if you ever think that you’ve made a big mistake, just remember that in 1788 the Austrian army attacked itself and lost 10,000 men
the internet is trying to break up with me
• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria.
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out.
• Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.
Improper peeping Vips spied Top having a moment of intimacy with big, bang, Bom Park. Just before leaving for Hogwarts, Tabi felt like he had to try this fantastic spell with monkeys he had practised on during his Easter holidays; the occasion for it presented itself when fellow Bom proposed a smokin’ hot session of wookie-dookie. Jiyong misunderstood it for a rehearsal, joined in, amazed everyone, got rid of his own clothes and was thrown out. We’re not sure if it all happened in this order.
Informed sources ascertained that Top likes to have dah sex fully-clothed.
(Thanks to an anonymous Vip for owning a very powerful telescope or a secret access to Park Bom’s bedroom)
-Tell us where Top is and we will provide photographic proof.-